Emotional Labor: The Unequal Burden Placed on Women
The mere mention of concepts like gender, patriarchy, and inequality between the sexes can spark heated debates. Yet, if we move past reflexive, knee-jerk reactions, there’s a wealth of valuable conversations to be had. For instance, when was the last time you saw headlines about emotional labor?
This term broadly refers to aligning one’s emotions with social expectations. Most often, it points to the invisible, unpaid work that women and girls perform simply because they are women and girls. This unequal burden ripples through nearly every area of daily life, shaping relationships, careers, and health.
Is Emotional Labor Always Bad?
Like most complex issues, emotional labor exists on a spectrum. In some contexts, it can be positive. Skills like conflict resolution, emotional regulation, and organizational know-how can strengthen relationships and communities. These are valuable abilities that help diverse groups of people coexist and collaborate.
But in personal settings, emotional labor often becomes deeply unequal. This is where the notion of “women’s work” appears. Women are routinely expected to tolerate behavior few men face, shoulder invisible tasks, and manage their own emotions so others stay comfortable. When women push back, they’re often blamed if something slips, like a forgotten birthday or an unacknowledged emotional crisis, leaving them to feel guilt or shame.
The Cost of the Unequal Burden Placed on Women
All around the world, women handle at least 75 percent of household tasks and childcare needs. Even if both partners work full-time, this ratio remains steady and can be the equivalent of having two full-time jobs. Social media tropes like “Supermom” can trivialize the impact of emotional labor and pits women vs. women. Those who can’t “do it all” are left to feel inadequate.
Warning Signs That the Unequal Burden of Emotional Labor Is Taking a Toll
Chronic physical and mental exhaustion
No one responds to your request for help
You struggle with setting boundaries
Your day is an obstacle course of multi-tasking
The people in your life downplay your situation
You feel resentment toward your partners, children, and in general
There’s no time for self-care or personal interests
How to Address the Unequal Burden Placed on Women
Start With Awareness and Self-Awareness
There has to be a willingness to recognize that a lot of the talk about equality and freedom is more aspirational than reality. From there, take a good, close look at your life and identify where you need to change. Pay attention to guilt, frustration, or burnout, as these feelings are signals that something is out of balance. Track your mental load for a week or two to see how much invisible labor you’re carrying, then review the list with fresh eyes.
Set Boundaries
Many people grow accustomed to you carrying the invisible load, so change may feel uncomfortable at first. Begin by identifying the areas where you feel most drained—maybe it’s managing everyone’s schedules, emotional needs, or household chores.
Choose one small area to shift first, like delegating a recurring task or setting a clear limit on your availability. Communicate these changes directly and calmly, explaining why you’re making them if necessary, but without apologizing for prioritizing your well-being.
Lead By Example
Turn your household into a blueprint. This might mean creating a family or household meeting where chores and emotional tasks are openly discussed and divided, or rotating responsibilities so no one person carries the same invisible load all the time. Encourage children to participate in age-appropriate ways so they grow up seeing equality as normal, not exceptional.
Self-Care By Any Means Necessary
This can no longer be negotiable. Your choices pertaining to sleep, eating, exercise, and stress management must share equal billing with anything else that’s going on. If you need help, ask for it from your support system. This is an under-examined topic that can be addressed in therapy for women. Let’s connect soon.
